A Norse God Sleeps on My Couch
by Truthful Blasphemy
Summary: Loki is punished by being sent to Midgard. The twist? He's living with two fangirls! Enjoy Loki from a different perspective as he hoards rootbeer, makes messes, discovers our 'alien technology' and gets into a little trouble. Featuring the Avengers, Nick Fury, and the God of Mischief himself!
1. Release the Fangirls

**Due to the amazing reception of my one-shot In Which Loki Discovers Midgard's Best Weapon (Chapter 2 in this series now), I'm writing a whole series of crackfics and one shots about Loki's punishment. I thought that it would be a great way to give our beautiful Loki a break from the pattern I'm seeing in fanfictions where he is emotionally unstable and in need of constant attention. Why not let him be OOC and crazy and fun? We'd all like to see it. So here is my new series.**

**Disclaimer: Loki and Thor belong to Marvel. The Avengers belong to Marvel.  
**

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"Loki Laufeyson...or Odinson of Asgard, God of Mischief and Father of Falsehoods, I have come to a good conclusion. I know how much you detest the Midgardians, especially weak-minded and petty ones. So as punishment for your misdeeds against Midgard, Asgard, and all the other seven realms, I hand you over completely to your new guardians. Bring them in," Odin All-Father decreed. Two large men in decorative armor pulled open the hand-carved mahogany double doors at the far end of the throne room. Expecting hideous creatures with minds set on torturing him to submission, Loki was surprised to see two young Midgardian girls. Thor knew them as 'teenagers' from their home realm. They looked around in awe.

The taller one with dark hair, hazel eyes, and a curvaceous figure for one so young began whispering excitedly to the girl next to her. The blond-haired and blue eyed girl waved at Thor, her eyes shining with adoration. They giggled and continued smiling as they reached the All-Father's throne. Odin nodded at them and smiled in a fatherly way, which made Loki frown and feel all the more bitter that these girls, who were complete and utter strangers to him, got more affection from his own father than he did. Well, half-father. But still, it aggravated him.

"I'm Mandy," the dark-haired one exclaimed, wrapping her arms around Loki and squeezing gently. He noted the tattoos that were revealed beneath each short sleeve of her strange tunic. It read in the Midgardian language of English "Green Day", and her tight pants were a Thor-esque shade of crimson. The other girl introduced herself as Jane and playfully ruffled Thor's hair by standing on tiptoe. He graciously swept her into a lung-crushing hug (after which she and Mandy both exploded into a fit of high-pitched squeals and giggles. Loki wondered if this was how the girls communicated on Earth).

"If you disobey these girls, they have full control of your muzzle and magic powers. Remember to respect them and do as they ask. If they are kindhearted they will give you some magic back piece by piece," Odin forewarned his rebellious adopted son. "If you misbehave, cause trouble, play dangerous pranks, or try to escape, they can bring you back and remove your ability to speak by using the muzzle you wear now. Remember this always. They really are such wonderful little creatures." The girls blushed and received kindly pats on the head from the God of Thunder. The frost giant sneered and huffed at the enormous powers these girls had over him. _He _was the superior being! It just wasn't fair.

"Where did you find them?" Thor asked. Odin's eyes brightened as he told of a mythical being known as _the internet _and how this being could direct you to virtual town squares where items were bought, traded, or given away through the use of the magical _cellphone_ or _computer. _He told of one such town square known as _Craigslist _where he had listed positions as Loki's primary caretakers. Mandy and Jane had instantly applied for (and had been the best candidates for) Loki's earthly imprisonment and experience. Odin wanted to teach his youngest son that the creatures he wanted to rule were really quite fun loving and innocent beings. His grudge was completely stupid.

"I shall miss thee, brother," Thor said, stepping forward and wrapping the slighter man in a tight embrace. The girls had another short conversation in that squeal-shriek language of theirs and one of them sighed.

"Thorki is so cute," Jane said. Mandy nodded.

"Thorki?" Odin asked. "Please explain. I do not know this custom."

"You guys should probably plug your ears," Jane warned the two Norse Gods. Thor did immediately and hummed low in his throat to block out additional noises. Loki tried, but his chained hands would not reach far enough to cover both ears. Thor watched in fascination as Mandy's lips moved rapidly to explain this strange term. Odin's face grew from surprised to amused and Loki became pale and scared, his eyes wide in apprehension. Thor unplugged his ears in time to hear, "And that is Thorki."

"Very...interesting," Odin smiled again. The girls liked the All-Father a lot and hoped to visit again soon.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of Loki!" Jane assured them. She took the keys to his manacles from Thor and the three of them disappeared in a whirl of purple glittery smoke.

When Loki opened his eyes again, he was sitting on a worn green couch in a small hovel that smelled like paint and cat. Mandy removed the muzzle and tucked it into a small pouch, which she then hid in an adjoining room. Jane was busying herself with a small black rectangular box. Loki was fascinated, his natural curiousity over-riding his hatred for these two foolish mortals. "What is that?" he asked, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded.

"Let me get you some root beer!" Mandy piped as Jane continued to fiddle with the black box. A small compartment came out, into which she placed a silver disc, and closed it again.

"This is a DVD player. You watch movies on it," she said with a shrug. "You'll see in a minute."

"Jane! Here," Mandy tossed Jane the keys to his bonds, "Untie him and get him some of those pajamas you picked out. I swear he's going to sweat to death in that armor."

"Good point," Jane agreed. She quickly removed the chains from his wrists and dragged him along by the hand to a small room filled with pictures of himself, his brother, and some group of men known as My Chemical Romance. "This is Mandy's bedroom. She and I will stay here, you can have the couch. Oh! And here," Jane handed the bewildered Loki a pair of soft green pants and a black V-neck shirt. Both felt very comfortable and relaxing compared to the scratchy and restricting armor he wore now. Jane left and he quickly changed before re-entering the small 'living room' as Mandy had referred to it. A glass of something cold and fizzy was shoved into his hand as _he _was shoved onto the couch between the two excited teens.

"What is this?" Loki asked, swishing his drink around curiously.

"Root beer, now shut up and take a sip. We're watching Legend!"

"Oh...okay," and Loki did take a small sip. He liked it. He liked it a lot. "THIS IS AMAZING!"

"Shhhh we know," Jane and Mandy were entranced by the moving pictures on the screen. He watched too, but found too many faults to be entertained. And then it got interesting and he began to pay attention to the plot. Until one thing bothered him too much to ignore any longer.

"This Jack boy, why does he not wear pants?" Loki asked. Mandy and Jane began to laugh and giggle hysterically. Loki was confused. "Seriously. Where are his coverings?"

"We ask ourselves the same question every time we watch this movie," Jane smiled.

"Yeah really. Okay, well off to bed everyone," she said, standing and stretching as the credits began to roll.

"I'll get Mr. Mischief a blanket and pillow," Jane offered, standing herself and yawning. Loki found himself too excited by this new world for sleep. When he'd been busy trying to shame Thor and destroy his terrible memories, he hadn't thought to look at all the little fun things that could happen. It was greatly exciting to him. Now he was curious. Now Loki wanted to _learn. _

So after the girls made him a bed, tucked him in, and went to sleep themselves...he decided to explore the little house. He made friends with Mandy's pet as well, and after sating his nature to discover new things, he fell asleep.

Both girls were surprised to wake up and find Teeny asleep on Loki's stomach and the God himself peacefully resting on the couch. Loki had decided not to run away. Maybe the God of Mischief just needed the right friends after all. And a cat. He really wanted a cat.


	2. In Which Loki Discovers Sporks

**Here is a total crackfic written for my friend Mandy who I missed a bunch. N3ON, my Femme!Loki, it's great to have you back! Here is a story written just for you (I included myself because let's face it...Loki can't handle himself and I wanted to meet Thor).**

**Disclaimer: Loki belongs to Mandy. Thor is mine, and Avengers is Marvel's.  
**

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It was a beautiful day in downtown Traverse City. Peaceful, with the seagulls slowly circling over the crystal blue waters of West Bay. The sunlight gently warmed the sand and the trees provided welcoming shade to the small group of tourists. "So, Tony, why here?" asked Steve, adjusting the brim of his red-white-and-blue hat to shade his eyes better.

"Look around! We just defeated aliens and _your_," he pointed to the muscular and long-haired blond man at the back of the group, "Idiot brother. This is the most relaxing place I could possibly think of. Great place to vacation with some really nice local cuisine and just _look _at the view!"

"I agree with Tony," said Natasha. She held Clint's hand and looked around, "I mean come on, it's absolutely gorgeous and super-peaceful."

"Do _not _say super," groaned Bruce. He started walking towards a row of trees near the beach and the rest of the group followed him silently. "Here's a good spot to set up, though."

"Yeah. Perfect." Tony grumbled, sad that it wasn't his idea. The six of them laid blankets on the ground and set down their picnic baskets. Natasha complained that it was too warm and stripped down to her bikini (which was surprisingly modest). Everyone else tried not to stare, but agreed with her and changed into their swimwear as well. They were sipping lemonade and enjoying the weather when they heard three loud voices running towards them.

"Oh great," Steve said, sitting up to look. What he saw surprised him to no end. Two girls, one blond and one with short black hair, were chasing a pale shirtless man down the beach. He held a black plastic bag in one hand, and what looked like a spoon in the other. The scary part was _who _the shirtless man turned out to be. No one could deny that it was unmistakably Loki. Thor's Jotun half-brother. The girls came closer, and the Avengers could hear what they were shouting.

"Loki stop! Get back here with those! You've had enough! And if you fall with that thing you could poke yourself in the eye!" the Avengers couldn't tell which girl was yelling which warning, but apparently they needed help detaining their runaway God of Mischief. Thor leaped up and bolted down the beach, side-tackling the spry black-haired man into the sand.

"Oh. My. Norse. Gods." the blond girl spoke, her voice low and dramatic. "It's Thor."

"Hey Thor, mind getting off Loki? He could injure himself..." the black-haired girl trailed off. Thor stood and pulled his half-brother with him by the arm, holding him tightly so that he couldn't escape.

"Jane, Mandy, make him let go," Loki whined like a little child. Mandy stepped forward and took a firm grip on Loki's left ear.

"Please let him go, Thor."

"But..."

"DO IT!" and, frightened of the young Midgardian's outburst, Thor released his brother. Loki painfully stooped and walked to Jane, his ear in Mandy's vice grip.

"Would you like to give Jane her sour gummy worms back?" Mandy asked, as if admonishing someone much younger.

"Yes." Loki sighed, handing her the black plastic bag of candy. "But can I show Thor your advanced technology?"

"Sure, go ahead." Mandy released his ear. "But come straight back when you're all done or Odin will throw a fit because you left us. And we don't want the All-Father throwing a fit, do we, Loki?"

"No Mandy," he hung his head.

"Good. Now go show Thor your new favorite weapon," Jane smiled. Odin had given the two girls total reign over Loki (as punishment for his misdeeds) and they were making a friend of him. But today they had gotten ice cream and candy from a local store. Sour gummy worms were both Jane and Loki's favorite and they'd been squabbling over them until Loki discovered something even better. A device so maniacal that all of Asgard would fear this evil weapon...

"Thor look at the weapon I found!"

"Who gave you a weapon!" Thor looked at the two giggling girls incredulously.

"Jane and Mandy gave me one to eat my ice cream!" Loki excitedly held up a spoon with tongs on the top half. His eyes were slightly glazed-over and crazy looking. His pupils were adjusting quickly and for seemingly no reason. Loki was on a sugar high.

"Oh, it's a spork."

"Isn't it marvelous! I could take down entire armies with this!" Loki proclaimed loudly. Bruce and Natasha hid their faces because they were laughing too hard. Clint had fallen asleep and Steve was also in wonderment of what the new generations had brought since he'd been frozen in the ice. Tony rolled his eyes and went back to reading his magazine and sipping a lemonade.

"Well I'd best get back to my guardians. Goodbye brother!" Loki squeezed Thor around his well-muscled middle and skipped back to the girls. Holding out his hand for a few more pieces of sour-sugar-coated-candy. He started to braid Jane's long blond-brown hair and munch happily on the gummies. Thor approached them slowly.

"How do you keep him so innocent and not...not _Loki?_" Thor asked. Mandy rolled her eyes.

"Easy. You give him lots of sugar, teach him how to draw, and then take him to see a movie or two."

"Oh."

"Yes. But now we must go back to my house and wash his hair and watch _Labyrinth_ because Jane and I are making Loki a Jareth Halloween costume." Mandy said before turning and walking away. Jane bounced up and gave Thor a quick hug.

"Well it was nice meeting you," she smiled. Thor patted her head, marveling at Loki's new-found ability to french braid hair so intricately.

"Yes...good day..."

Thor returned to his five companions.

"So that is Asgardian justice?" Steve asked, pointing at Loki, who was holding hands with both girls while crossing the intersection.

"I guess father knew just how to make him see the innocent side of life."

"Good job," Natasha yawned, laying down for a nap. One by one the Avengers fell asleep in the shade, marveling at how well everything worked out and wondering just how Loki would use a spork in combat.


	3. Water Fight!

**The extremely bad heat wave in my area prompted me to write this story (and upon Mandy's request). **

**Next: A fashion show at Wal-Mart and a hairgel disaster.  
**

**After that I need some prompts. Please leave any ideas you have in the comments!  
**

**Also a shout out to Raccoon Girl for being so awesome and being my inspiration to make this a full-out series of stories.  
**

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"How do you mortals use this Book of Face?" Loki asked, peering intently at the computer screen. "And this Tube of You?"

"Well Facebook lets us talk to our friends, and Youtube lets us listen to music," Mandy explained.

"What kind of music?" Loki was curious now. Jane winked at Mandy behind his back and both girls smiled.

"Let us show you an awesome band," Mandy clacked away at the computer keys, waiting for _Na Na Na _by My Chemical Romance to begin playing. While the pajama-wearing Norse God was dancing rather awkwardly in the living room, Jane and Mandy went to change into their respective battle gear (tank tops and shorts/capris) and get ready for the blazing hot afternoon the weatherman had promised them. By the time they were ready to go swimming, Loki was jamming to _Planetary (GO!)._

"I like their style," he said, "Quite fierce."

"Yeah. Now go put your swimsuit on, okay?" Mandy ordered. Happily, the man went and did as he was told. The dark haired girl took her CD player outside and hooked it up, making sure her MCR CD was ready to blast when the water fight began, and placing a plastic tarp over it to protect it from splashes. When the man who creepily resembled Tom Hiddleston reappeared, the girls were ready to go with guns and water balloons (which Jane had attached to a belt around her torso rather like one would store bullets in from an old war movie). Loki, unsure of what to do, simply sprayed both of them with the hose and was rewarded with a water balloon to the face.

Before the fight could get any farther, and as _Destroya _began to play, a black car pulled up. Thor, Clint, Bruce, and Tony stepped out into the heat and ambled slowly towards the trio in the lawn. Loki raised an eyebrow and the girls simply stood motionless. It was only their second run in with the Avengers after all, they were still getting used to things like this new-found friendship.

"What are you doing?" Tony asked.

"Having a water fight," Mandy answered as if the answer wasn't already clear enough.

"Oh."

"Duh."

"Well we just stopped by to make sure your house wasn't a pile of rubble and that Loki here hadn't run off," he said, acting like he had serious swagger.

"Well Loki's been pretty chill." Mandy's attention wandered to Thor as he began to dance crazily and flail his hair in all directions.

"Thor you're doing it wrong," she interrupted. Thor stopped and looked at her as she demonstrated how to properly head-bang to the music. He imitated her and began to dance rather crazily.

"Isn't this music wonderful brother?" Loki asked, beaming. Tony was thoroughly confused by the compliance and friendly attitude the villain was displaying. He opened his mouth to speak, but before any words could come out, it was filled with water. Mandy had thrown a balloon at him.

"CHARGE!" and thus two girls and a mischievous god attacked Iron Man, another god, the Hulk and Hawkeye. Bruce began filling water balloons, Loki hid in a tree, and the girls flailed about crazily in an attempt to win the insane battle. Jane, her hair now completely soaked by Tony and the hose, began shooting her pistols at everyone in sight. Clint was confused and began trying to hide behind things and failed multiple times. Mandy didn't even escape her tirade, although she did dash inside to grab a large confusing thing that resembled a slingshot. She loaded it with a water balloon and knocked Loki out of his perch in the tree.

"AHHHH-" _thump. _He landed on the ground and quickly regained composure in order to retaliate with a water balloon of his own. They were all laughing, soaking wet, and tired when the water balloon supply had been expended. Even Bruce, the quiet nerd, had a fun time and exercised his human half. "So does anyone want a Popsicle?" Mandy asked.

"Oh! Pick me!" Loki piped. Mandy nodded and he dashed inside to get the colored fruit-flavored ice sticks out of the freezer and hand them out to his guardians and their new friends.

"Much thanks, brother," Thor said in his deep voice. Mandy patted Loki on the head and Jane sidled up to sit next to Thor.  
"So...hi."

"Hello little mortal."

"What's life like being an Avenger?" she asked.

"Don't get him started," Tony warned.

"Well the life is a dangerous one..." Thor began.

"Too late," groaned Clint.

"Let's go..." Bruce suggested quietly as Thor continued to speak of many great battles, glory, modesty, and becoming king of Asgard (luckily Loki was distracted by his lime flavored ice treat, so he didn't argue). The black car drove off, leaving Thor to angrily protest his friends' lack of loyalty and fly off into the night with Mjolnir (and, thanks to Jane, one less lock of hair).


	4. Shopping Spree!

Loki was unsure of the reasons behind his drastically changed attitude. When he was first sent to Midgard, he'd been bitter and angry that two mortal girls had complete power over him. But their open-minded and kindhearted _innocence _had shown him something. They didn't need to be ruled, they needed to be loved. So although he _wanted _to hate the rather clumsy and squeal-y teens, he couldn't. Sure, he could be mad at the Avengers and hold a grudge and smolder and brood; but what would be the point? Now was the time to quench his curiosity about Midgardian clothes, customs, and technology. Sure he'd done some research before trying to overtake the realm...but the little things excited him.

Things like surprises, one of which the girls had promised him today.

"LOKI!" Mandy called. He joined her in the living room and sat next to her on the couch trying to look as apathetic as possible.

"Yes, mortal?"

"Okay give up the All-Powerful-Giant act. I think you'll like this," Mandy said, frowning at his attitude. He sighed as melodramatically as possible and leaned back against the couch cushion in defeat. "As I'm sure you know, Odin is paying us to take care of you."

"Really?" Loki looked up, shocked slightly.

"I guess you didn't know. But yes, he has. We get a check in the mail every week. Since Jane and I already have enough saved up for college, we've been saving up and today we're going on a shopping spree." Loki didn't have very many outfits since he'd arrived. The girls gave him the necessities in order to have a fun trip like this.

"Cool." he said. The father of falsehoods often liked to use words or phrases (usually slang) that he picked up off the streets or some of the girls' friends.

"Want to know the best part?" Mandy smiled slyly.

"What's that?"  
"Jane and I had a long talk before she went home the other day. Today you get a small amount of your magic back. If you're responsible about the use of it, you can keep it. If you get into trouble, then we take it away again. Do you understand the terms?" Mandy explained. Loki seemed to glow slightly with the prospect of having some of his magic back. Every day without seemed unfulfilled. He needed even a little of it to feel whole, and Loki was excited.

"Okay! I can do that, Mandy!"

"Good, come here," she motioned for him to sit closer to her on the couch. The girl became suddenly serious and took his hands in hers, closing her eyes to increase her concentration. She spoke in a low voice, the Icelandic words barely audible to Loki, "Gud skadi pu getur verid, I per og ut af mer, taka petta galdur nota pad rett, ekki meira, fyrr en pu sero ljosio." (_God of mischief you may be, into you and out of me, take this magic use it right, no more till you see the light) _

Suddenly the man's skin flashed a pale blue and his eyes a pale pink. Before Mandy could open her eyes and shriek, though, he was back to normal. He wanted to see what he could do. He summoned a cup of coffee from the kitchen and handed it to Mandy. He made a small book disappear and reappear a few feet away. It was nothing he could escape with or do serious damage with, but it was magic.

A girl burst in the door and yelled, "I'M HERE! THE PARTY CAN START!" Loki jumped a little but otherwise didn't smash any vases over her head (an unfortunate event in the case of one poor UPS delivery man).

"Hey! You ready to go to the mall?"

"Yes! Let's do this thing."

"Loki, get in the car!" Everyone piled into the car and Mandy's mom took them to the mall, which was nearby the Wal-Mart she worked at. Jane winked at Mandy, who returned it with a mischievous smile and both of them grabbed one of Loki's hands and dragged him into Hot Topic. When they finally left a good twenty minutes later, the man owned three pairs of skinny jeans and a few ironic Avengers t-shirts. Jane had also found a black shirt that read _Mischief Managed _in swirling letters from the Harry Potter section of the store. They went from store to store, grabbing something here and another something there until they finally loaded everything into the car and went to Wal-Mart to do some necessities shopping.

Jane ran to grab some food (and rootbeer for Loki) whilst Mandy and Loki went to get bathroom stuff for everyone. Mandy grabbed Loki a new toothbrush and some children's toothpaste in his favorite flavor. Loki went down the isle, sniffing every available shampoo or body soap and either smiling or grimacing depending on if he liked it or not. After making several decisions and having Loki beg and plead to purchase Lavender body soap, Mandy headed to the front of the store to locate Jane so they could check out. Loki stopped at a small display stand and his eyes widened with excitement. "OMG THEY SPARKLE!" he shouted, pointing happily to a pair of women's sunglasses.  
"Yes, yes they do," Mandy sighed as she dragged him away by the back of his shirt collar. "Looks like we need to get him tested..."

"Tested for what?" Jane asked, falling in step beside Mandy and making Loki jump. "I heard him yelling and found you pretty fast, no need to be scared Lokster."

"What _kind _of test? Will I have to fight a warrior or something. Maybe wrestle a bear?" Loki asked, his eyes narrowing.

"No," Mandy laughed, "You'd just have to answer some questions and such. It would be easy."

"Oh. Asgardian tests are much more difficult," Loki said softly. When the girls finally finished loading all the bags into the cart and paid for everything, they realized Loki had run off.

"I'm gonna kill him when I find him," Mandy huffed. Jane had taken the bags out and loaded them into the car while Mandy tried to find the trickster. "Loki Odin-Laufeyson, when I find you I will kick your skinny Jotun ass so hard..."

As she was muttering threats under her breath, Mandy came upon a rather comical sight. Loki had used some of his magic to switch around all the shampoo scent labels, leaving several patrons in that isle rather confused when Lavender didn't really smell like Lavender at all, it smelled like peaches. And peaches smelled like citrus and so on. She giggled and continued walking, looking around for more clues on where to find the runaway God. She passed changed DVD covers, CD music artists, and camera brands before finding him in the toy section, cowering in fear. "Loki?"

"Help me, I do not wish to be smote," he whispered, reaching for her, but otherwise not moving. She took a few steps forward and embraced him gently, looking around for what could be frightening him; until she saw that they were standing in the Avengers section. She knew immediately what toy Loki was so terrified of: Thor's hammer, Mjolnir.

"Loki, honey, it's made of foam. That's a flimsy mortal material that can't hurt anyone," she said, leading him away by the hand. "It's alright."

"Thank you," Loki said, smiling childishly once more as they passed groups of very confused shoppers who couldn't quite understand the new product labels.

"Let's head home."

"Okay!" so Loki skipped to the parking lot and gratefully went home to rest after his first shopping adventure.


	5. Hair Gel, Hair Gel EVERYWHERE

**Hey guys! I'm currently working on a couple other story ideas, so this may update a little slower. I'm really sorry the last update took so long but I was on vacation and didn't have time to write it.**

**I need some more prompts, come on here people! :) I know you're reading it. Why not drop me a review with an idea of your own for a fun one-shot!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Loki, Mandy does.  
**

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"MANDY!" Jane shouted, bursting down the hallway at break-neck speed. Mandy looked slowly and deliberately up from her sketch pad. One eyebrow lifted and both eyes widened slightly.

"Yes?"

"He found the hair gel."

"Crap."

Both girls sprinted into the bathroom to find Loki washing his hands in the sink, his hair a total mess, and the counter covered in a clear substance much resembling glue. They groaned in unison and quickly asked what he had done.

"Well I found this little tube of stuff and became interested and since it said 'hair' on it I figured I should try it, since my hair has been so unruly as of late. But then I got distracted and left it on the counter. When I nearly slipped my hand landed on it and it got all over my hand and I put my hand in my hair instinctively and now it's everywhere. Sorry guys." Loki hung his head in shame and the girls had to stifle their giggles when his hair, which was spiked mostly straight up, didn't move at all.

"It's alright. Come on, let's get you fixed up," Mandy sighed. The girls made Loki lean over the edge of the tub as they scrubbed continually at his cemented black hair. They pulled out tangles, and 'lather-rinse-repeat'ed several times in order to remove every last bit of hair gel. By the time he was done, roughly an hour or more had passed and both girls were exhausted.

"I'm really sorry!" Loki said, his eyes round and apologetic. Mandy ruffled his now clean, wet hair and smiled at him.

"Don't worry. But next time you'd better come to us for help or you get your rootbeer stash taken away," she threatened. Loki gasped.

"You wouldn't!"

"If you misbehave, we would." Jane smiled devilishly.

"NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT!" Loki shouted, running through the house. The girls were hot on his heels, following him everywhere until finally, they couldn't find him. He had stopped running and lay still just past the couch, out of sight. The girls approached slowly, tiptoeing closer to his hiding spot and grinning at each other.

"Loki? Come on out, we were just kidding," Mandy said with a sickly-sweet voice. Loki chuckled softly at their foolishness before jumping up and grabbing Jane, tossing her on the couch.

"RAWR!" He shouted. All three of them burst into laughter. Mandy suddenly became serious again.

"Seriously, if you make another mess like that, we're taking it away."


	6. The Asgardian's Apprentice

**For my new favorite reviewer, morgan le fay! I hope this lives up to your expectations.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Loki. Or Teeny.  
**

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"I could have danced all night! I could have danced all night! And still had time for more!" Loki sang loudly and slightly off-key as he danced around the living room holding Teeny. The cat struggled in his arms, hissing and spitting angrily at the god. But he ignored her and continued to dance and sing. Jane, seeing this as an opportunity to do some real work, buzzed down the hall and into his temporary room. She gathered her, Mandy's, and Loki's laundry in a basket and carried it down the hall. She tossed all the dark items (the vast majority) into the washer and began to hum a random tune as she pressed buttons and adjusted dials for the proper settings.

It was a stroke of good luck that Loki found immense pleasure in musicals, and Jane had plopped him on the couch with a pile of classics while Mandy went out job hunting for the afternoon. Not so much because she needed money (Odin paid them very well to take care of Loki, so much that they had purchased a new house for the three of them) but because she was bored and wanted something to do.

So as Loki and Teeny re-enacted scenes from My Fair Lady, Brigadoon, and Call Me Madam, Jane did some chores. Teeny escaped and hid under a couch, hissing like a dying fire, and Loki grew bored with trying to coax her out. Instead he wandered through the back room of the house and looked into the washing machine. Realizing that Jane could use some help, Loki dumped in what _seemed _to be the correct amount of soap and threw the lid down, turning on the machine.

Jane found it running and assumed that she had turned it on herself and promptly forgot about it. Until about fifteen minutes later, when a small stream of bubbly water was found moving its way down the hallway from the laundry room.

"LOKI!" Jane screamed. Loki came running, the cat clutched in his arms once more.

"Jane?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. She pointed at the stream of water that continued to grow in size.

"Did you turn on the washing machine?"

"Well you were busy and it looked easy so I took care of it!" he complained. Jane shook her head and frowned.

"This will take all afternoon to clean up," she groaned. She dashed back and turned off the washing machine before it could do any more damage.

"I'll do it!" Loki volunteered. Jane crossed her arms.

"You've done enough," she frowned. Loki looked dejected.

"Here, close your eyes," he said, becoming excited again. Jane rolled her eyes and then closed them, wondering what had gotten into the trickster. He puffed up his chest, glad to help his mortal friend, and recited a quick cleaning spell that left the whole house spotless. He felt drained and leaned heavily against the wall.

"You can open them now," he puffed. Jane looked up to see Loki panting and the entire hallway clean.

"Thanks Loki," she smiled.

"Anything for Mandy and Jane!" he smiled. Jane laughed and petted him gently on the head.

"Who wants rootbeer and a musical?" she asked.

"LOKI DOES! LOKI DOES!"

LATER

"So how went the job hunt?"  
"Eh, boring. I hopefully got a job at the bookstore," Mandy smiled, "How was babysitting?"

"Well he didn't burn the house down, and he loves Donald O'Connor," Jane said.

"And Teeny." The girls watched amusedly as the trickster tried to pull the stubborn cat out from under the couch. He had tried calling her, baiting her, playing her favorite game, and setting out fresh food and water. The cat would not move.

"Oh yes, and Teeny."


	7. Babes in Lokiland

**Yes I know it's been a long time, but I've been really busy. Here's a random chapter. I'll write more now I'm sure. Maybe. :) **

**I don't own Loki _or _Babes in Toyland.**

* * *

"I WILL EAT YOU, EVIL EARTH FELINE!" Loki shouted, pointing angrily at the tabby cat that hissed at him from the neighbor's yard. "EAT YOUUUUU!"

"Sorry Mrs. O'Grady, Loki hasn't had his medication yet today!" Mandy called to the old lady sitting on her porch, frowning as her cat was threatened by the skinny black-haired man.

"But I don't take-" Loki found himself interrupted as Mandy yanked him into the house.

"Loki, you have to stop threatening that poor cat," Mandy sighed, going to the kitchen and getting him a glass of rootbeer. Rootbeer always calmed him down. As soon as he was sipping happily at the fizzy drink, Jane entered the house with several plastic bags. Setting one down on the kitchen table, she put the contents of the others in various cupboards and the fridge.

"Hey Loki! I got you some presents at the store," Jane smiled over her shoulder as he eyed the plastic bag excitedly.

"Really!?"

"Yeah. I thought you might like them," Jane pulled open the bag and revealed a 96 pack of Crayola crayons, several coloring books, and several new DVDs. It was almost Christmas, so Jane had grabbed a couple of her and Mandy's favorite Christmas movies to watch and hers, _Babes in Toyland _rested on the top. Loki snatched the crayons, the DVD, and his new coloring books and ran to the living room. He shoved _Babes in Toyland _into the DVD player and grabbed the matching coloring book (Jane had matched the movies to the coloring books, knowing Loki's love for organization). The two women took seats on the couch and laughed as Loki watched the movie with fascination.

"The effects aren't very new," he said, cocking his head to the side, "I like it."

"Well it was made in the fifties," Jane said. Loki giggled and colored in a picture of Mary in her garden, still watching the movie.

Two hours later Loki was drinking a glass of milk, eating a cookie, and singing parts of "_And We Wont Be Happy Till We Get It." _from the film he had just seen. Jane and Mandy laughed and cleaned the kitchen after their cookie making adventures. Loki was very excited as he helped them put up the green and red decorations, decorate the tree, and set up lights all over the house. As he laid in bed, humming himself to sleep, Mandy and Jane smiled to each other and each peeked into his room. "Merry Christmas Loki," they said.

"Merry Christmas Jane, Merry Christmas Mandy. I love you guys," Loki whispered sleepily.

"We love you too," the girls said in tandem.


	8. Lokittens

**I'm on a roll, and I love kittens. **

* * *

It was all going fine and dandy until Loki found the box. Nothing but a plain cardboard box sitting on the side of the road and he almost passed it by until it _mewed. _Or rather, something inside it mewed. He picked it up, peeked inside, fell in love, and happily carried it home, shoving it and its very cuddly contraband contents under his bed.

Through dinner he acted very aloof and seemed guilty about something, although the girls couldn't quite pinpoint what. The Father of Falsehoods had been so _good _lately that he was having guilt issues about his Christmas present to himself. So after the girls had tucked themselves into bed and he could hear gentle snores from either of their rooms, he pulled the box out from underneath his bed, hastily brought forth the tuna and milk he had pilfered from the kitchen, and set it all out in little dishes before dumping the boxes contents on the floor. The small, fluffy kittens scampered happily to the food and scarfed it down, purring contently when Loki stroked their small backs. One of them, a little yellow-haired fuzzball, teetered up to Loki and rubbed against his leg. "You, tiny one. You shall be Thor."

"Mew."

"AWWWWW!" Loki squealed quietly to himself, his face contorting into the strangest and least evil grin of childish glee physically possible. He was so ecstatic and caught up in naming and petting his new friends, making them all purr like little motorboats, that he didn't notice the door opening a crack behind him. When Mandy stuck her head in, she immediately bit back giggles.

"Thor, no! Ferdinand, don't you dare bite my-OW! Erica, that tickles!" he talked to each kitten as if they were real people, and Mandy knew that the bond between God and Cat had already become too strong to break. Loki loved animals, especially cats.

"So Loki, care to introduce me to your new friends?" Mandy asked, crossing her arms in mock anger. Loki tensed up and grinned sheepishly up at her, scooting around in a circle, the kittens climbing various parts of him. First the blond kitty, "This is Thor. The gray one is Ferdinand, the tabby is Erica, and the ginger cat is Astaire."

"And how are you going to take care of these cats and get them food and litter, plus a litter box and toys?" Mandy asked. Loki shrugged.

"I guess I'll try to find a job," he offered. Mandy smiled and looked down at him.

"If you _really _want these kittens, I will make a small account of money so that some of the cash we get from the All-Father goes to their care, okay? But you're going to have a few more chores around the house in order to pay me back, alright?" Mandy said. Loki nodded excitedly as Thor pawed his fingers.

"Now put them to sleep and get to bed."

"Thank you Mandy, love you!" Loki called as she left. She turned her head to look over her shoulder.

"Love you too Loki, now get to bed."

He placed all the kittens on a plush blanket, placing that on the floor of the box and leaving the box near his bedside table so if one of the kittens needed something he would be right there for them. Mandy knew that this would only help him learn love and responsibility. She had to admit, though, that his choice of names were quite adorable.


	9. Adventures in PetSmart

**Loki returns! **

* * *

Loki woke up to a very grumpy kitten sitting on his face, meowing and pulling on his black locks with pointy little teeth. "Owch, Thor," he groaned, sitting up and dislodging the cat from his forehead. Thor fell into Loki's waiting hands. The kitten promptly began to nibble on Loki's thumb looking rather angry. "Okay, alright, I'll feed you." He tottered down the hall and into the kitchen entryway, where he saw Jane standing at the counter. Mandy was, no doubt, still sound asleep.

"Good morning Loki!" Jane greeted the slouching man from the kitchen, where she was pouring him a morning cup of root beer. Jane and Mandy preferred coffee, but they didn't like a grouchy God moping around, so they usually resorted to giving him a half cup full of root beer. Jane noted the kitten perched in Loki's arms and pulled the cat food out of the cupboard, pouring it into a small dish next to the arm of the couch. Loki placed Thor on the ground and watched him scamper over to it happily, his brothers and sister joining him in the tiny feast. Astaire had bonded with Jane, and spent most of his time watching her write the novel she intended to publish, sometimes laying himself across the back of her neck like a kitty scarf. Ferdinand was a loner, who stayed mostly by himself and played with every stuffed animal he could find. Erica followed Mandy around everywhere when she wasn't at Hot Topic, working the fewest hours possible just to keep herself sane. Mandy was also working on a comic she intended to present to Jane's publishing company at the end of the year.

"Well aren't you all so adorable," Jane smiled down at the kittens, who were jumping over each other in the haste to get to the dish of food. She sat on the couch, pulling one of the blankets over her lap. "Come on, Lokster, we can watch a movie and wait for Mandy to get up."

"No thanks, I have stuff I need to do today," Loki said, attempting to sound grown up. He finished up his cup of root beer and walking down the hall into his room. When he at last returned to the living room he was bundled up in his winter clothes and had his shoes partially tied, laughing as Thor tried to play with the laces.

"Where are you off to?" Jane asked over her shoulder.

"I'm just going to take Thor to PetSmart and get him some stuff," Loki shrugged. By this time the girl had several hundred thousand dollars saved up from 'god-sitting' and also gave Loki an allowance. It was very clear that he intended to spoil the cats with the money, and the girls didn't mind that at all. So Loki scooped up the little yellow furball, stuffed the kitten into the front of his jacket so that only his head was peeking out, and exited the house. Jane was glad that they lived in town, which made the walk to the local PetSmart not far enough for any harm to come to either the God or the kitten.

Loki walked proudly into the pet store, brandishing Thor like a weapon of pure cute. "Okay, little buddy, what do you want?"

"Mew."

"AWWWWW!" Loki squealed quietly. Several old women and their ugly dogs with pinched faces looked at him strangely before continuing on their way. Loki bounded from aisle to aisle throwing toys, treats, and various other strange cat-related objects (including a small green and gold sweater) into a basket. Thor simply cuddled into his arms and happily took a nap. "Time to head home, eh, little buddy?"

When they were walking to the check out line, a large dog barked at the tiny kitten, causing Thor's hair to stand on end as he hissed. Loki looked down at the dog angrily. "Don't scare my baby!"

The following fight got Loki banned from PetSmart.

And so he took his purchases and went home, happily petting his tiny friend, making him purr like the fuzzy little motor boat that he was. They played with his new toys, slept on the couch while Jane watched Phantom of the Opera and Mandy drooled over Gerard Butler, and generally had a good day. Because cats are cute, and Loki didn't really like that store anyway.


	10. Loki, God of Dance

"For the last time, Loki, cats don't like rootbeer!" Jane snapped. Her patience was running thin as they walked through the spring rain to the theater. Jane had insisted that Loki go with her to the ballet and he was very upset that Thor did not like the rootbeer Loki had attempted to give him the night before.

"Why not?" he asked.

"It just doesn't do well in their digestive systems, I guess," Jane answered, tugging her coat closer around her. Loki's hair was soaking wet as he gestured with his umbrella. He was flinging water everywhere and Jane was doubting her decision to bring him along. But when they got to the theater and found their seats in the warm auditorium, she was appeased. He stopped going on about Thor's diet when the lights flashed, signaling five minutes till show. Jane smiled triumphantly.

"Excited?" she asked.

"Yeah! I've never seen anything like this," Loki smiled.

The show started, and Loki leaned forward eagerly, watching the dancers with the most curiosity Jane had witnessed so far. "How do they get up on their toes like that without hurting themselves?" he asked.

"Magic," Jane replied without thinking. Her nonsensical but Jane-like response made Loki pay even closer attention to the dancers. Luckily it was a children's performance and only lasted about 45 minutes. All the way home he chattered on about the magic of dance and Jane was a little worried about what he might try.

He yelled a threat at the neighbor's cat, as he usually did when they passed by, and entered the house, running up to his room. "How did he like it?" Mandy asked from the couch.

"I told him the pointe dancers were magic," Jane chuckled.

"Oh dear."

"Yeah."

_Thud. Thud thud thud. _They heard from Loki's room. Both girls looked at each other before racing down the hall and throwing his door open. Loki was spinning around with his arms above his head in a sad parody of ballet. "I'm dancing!"

"We heard," Mandy laughed. He had magically changed his clothes into tights and a gold-and-green tutu and was spinning in circles, leaping occasionally from one side of the room to the other.

"Leave me alone, I'm practicing," Loki said. "Only Thor can watch."

The two girls held their laughter all the way to the kitchen before totally losing it, falling to the floor and crying with laughter at Loki's mischief. "Oh Jane, you've created a monster."

"No, no, I've just given a God something to do," she replied, gasping for breath.

"At least you didn't take him to see a fire-eating show."


End file.
